Fun Friday!

Dear HazMat Suit Wearers,

This week has gone by really fast. Not too much time to waste, so here's a short game for you.

Clear Vision

Yeah, it has stick figures instead of great graphics, but the point is still to snipe the hell out of people. It doesn't take too long to complete the game, but its still enjoyable. You use a mouse to aim and fire, nothing too complicated. Enjoy!

Love,
Slayre

Virginal Virgo

Dear Witches,

It's almost the weekend! I'd be more excited if training hadn't ended today. How awesome is it that training for me included playing in the mud, doing arts and crafts, making ice cream and watching a kids movie?

Anyway, Virgo, Horoscope says:
Go easy on the spending, Virgo; an inclination to buy yourself the latest accessory or the outfit will come at a price. Avoid the mall and don’t be tempted to browse the internet shopping sites either; today you just won’t be able to resist temptation, and your budget will suffer!

Slayre Says:
Stuff cost money, and you don't have any! DO NOT CHECK YOUR MAIL! A box with anthrax or something exploded and all your mail and your mail box were covered in it. So were the internet shopping sites. You won't be able to resist, I know, but you were warned. Anthrax is expensive to cure!


Disclaimer: Slayre Says does not know how to cure anthrax or any other disease.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: Time to go shopping!

Love,
Slayre

Nerd Day!

Dear Eyeball Eaters,

So, just to cover my bases in the entertainment industry, I'll be doing a book recommendation/review on Wednesdays. Since I've read a ton of books in my lifetime, I figure I've got a huge backlog of books to use for when I don't have time to actually read a book...

This week, I'll be reviewing Kim Harrison's Dead Witch Walking.

The main character, Rachel Morgan, is a witch. Her roommates are Ivy, a vampire, and Jenks, a pixie. Can you really go wrong with something like that?

The first couple of chapters are a little rocky, since Kim is working on building the world, but once you get past that, this book is fast paced. I love the dialog between the characters. Some of my best swears are stolen from Jenks. This is the first in the series, and as you read through it, there's a lot of foreshadowing to be missed. It amazes me on every re-read how many hints Kim leaves. You can read an excerpt here.

Kim Harrison is easily my favorite author, and anyone who knows me knows what a picky reader I am. Plus, I named my dog after one of her characters. If I were going to have kids, you can bet they'd be named after her characters too. Seriously, she's just that good.

Love,
Slayre

Laughing Leo

Dear Rockstars,

And we're back to horoscopes! Give me something to do for Wednesday, and we can have just two a week!

Leo, DailyHoroscope says:
You are positive and you are able to get right to the point of problems today. You have plenty of enthusiasm and warm up to things and people quickly. There is an inner self-confidence that burns with its own light today. Ideas and interaction with authority figures may be in the forecast this afternoon. Working with--rather than against--the flow should be easy to do--all day. You may have trouble understanding those who seem emotional or sentimental, however and may not be able to show much patience. Balance your lack of intuitiveness with logic and common sense and you will have quite a successful day. There may be some changes that will have you examining your responsibilities but you can easily dispense with the superficial.

Slayre Says:
So, you finally got your test results back, and you're positive. This might be a good thing, so you're super excited and you want to hug every one. Be careful not to set yourself on fire with that inner light though. That would be bad. You're going to be pulled over by a cop today since your exuberance leads to drunk driving. Be sure to listen to the good officer all day, or I see prison rape in your future. You don't really get the guy in the corner who's crying, but be patient with him and he won't eat your eyeballs later. Overall, be sure to keep yourself regular with some fiber, and it won't be so bad. There'll probably be some events that will make you question your entire being, but that's ok.

Disclaimer: Reach for the fire extinguisher.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: Ride for five miles on bike today, ass hurt tomorrow.

Love,
Slayre

Music Mondays

Dear Warlords,

Again, no horoscope for you! From henceforth, Mondays shall be known as Music Mondays, in which you shall have to suffer through my random tastes in music.

This week: Cat Power
Cat Power's been around for awhile, so her range of music is pretty eclectic. Check out her myspace page to check out some of her tunes for yourself. Look, I even made it easy for you. Just click her name, in blue, above her picture.

I'm keeping it kinda short today since I'm tired from all the work training. Fun stuff!

Love,
Slayre

Fun Friday!

Dear Indie Fans,

It's Friday! And in celebration of one of the better days of the week, I've decided to institute Fun Friday! Instead of a horoscope, every Friday I'll be telling you guys what I've been doing for fun, or what I waste my time with.

This week, I've been playing a strategy game called Warlords: Call to Arms
Basically, you send your little soldiers across the screen towards the other side, and keep your opponent from getting to your side. You get to choose your race, and buy upgrades and different types of units. The goal is to take over the world!!

Yeah, it has low graphics and the concept of the game is extraordinarily easy, but I never said I was complex.

Love,
Slayre

Review Thursday

Dear Bears,

In place of your regular horoscope, I'll be doing a movie review! Which movie, you ask? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull!

I was initially excited about this new film. I loved all the old movies, but I'll be honest, I was annoyed so much during the film I didn't enjoy it very much. I give the movie props for being great cinematicly, but the pseudo archeology drove me up the freaking wall. I'm sure that most people who aren't taking classes heavily focused on archeology will enjoy it though. Also, Shia LaBeuf? Really Steven Spielburg? Is that the best you could do? I watched Transformers and this movie in spite of, not because of that guy. I honestly wonder if his movies would do as well if the movies weren't so high profile. I refuse to put his picture on my blog...

On the upside, I thoroughly enjoyed Kate Blanchett as Col. Dr. Spalko. Her accent was awesome and her acting skills never cease to amaze me. Harrison Ford wasn't bad himself, but he is really showing his age. John Hurt as Professor Oxley was hilarious and Karen Allen's reprise of Marion Ravenwood, was, of course, amazing.

So, I'm split with my rating system here. Overall, I give it a 2 and a half. The archeologist gives it a great big 0, but the moviegoer me gives it a four out of five.

So, Slayre Says: 2.5/0/4

And yes, I do recognize my averaging skills are weird there.

If you want to know a spoiler full rant on why this movie bugged the hell out of me, just ask, as long as you have at least a half hour for me to fill.

Love,
Slayre

Stick it, Cancer

Dear Harem,

Look! I didn't make a cancer joke! Aren't you proud of me?

Cancer, DailyHoroscopes says:
You are able to handle difficult people and may be called upon to help with crowd control. You are able to cut through the red tape to get at what is beneath and behind most situations that others feel have no remedy. This is a time when you can make a real difference in the work place and the profits of the company for which you work. There is support and recognition from your co-workers. You may find that you are able to bring more imagination to bear on your goals and ambitions. You might find your ideals taking a more spiritual turn, thus involving you more in community and religious projects. This is a time when philosophical ideas, religious and such--really holds your interest. You are able to teach, the unity that binds.


Slayre Says:
You're going to act as a bouncer at a communist convention that the National Guard is going to crash for being Unamerican. Of course, you're not living in the sixties, so it's all drug induced. You're going to affect the profits of your employer... good luck at not getting caught. Your coworkers are in on it, so your chances are good. You're going to imagine bears with beers, but just realize that that's drug induced also. Soon, the bears will begin to say things, and they'll sound like scripture. You should pay attention to the bears. They will guide you and watch over you. Like Yoda, you will sound.

Disclaimer: Really dude, controlled substances are controlled for a reason. You need to figure out what that reason is.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: Be on the look out for Saphocrats.

Love,
Slayre

Gemini's Gems

Dear Foul Mouthed Grandmothers,

I'm not going to lie. I'm getting tired of horoscopes. Why? Because they're repetitive. So, I'd like to branch out, but I'll need suggestions.

But, for today, here's Gemini's from freedailyhoroscopes:
Today you will want to think about where you are in your life. Spend time alone today to listen to where your thoughts take you. This is a good time to take note of inner goals and aspirations. With the quick pace of life, we don't spend enough time alone to find out if we are on the right path according to our inner voice.

Slayre Says:
Think about where you are. Do you really need to be in a bar at 11am? Get away from your harem, and see where your thoughts go. Think about where you want to be and what you would like to do. With such a fast paced life, you realize you'd rather just be with your harem. Too bad you left them and they quickly found something better.
I guess it's a women's basketball harem. Guess you'll have to take one... or nine for the team.

Disclaimer: Please get checked regularly for things transmitted through your harem.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: You only miss things when they're not around.

Love,
Slayre

Tanked Taurus

Dear Monkies,

Taurus, Uclick says,
Don't run from what needs to be dealt with. Instead, proceed with truth and concern. Once you clear your mind of the little things bothering you, it will be easier to take charge of your life and make decisions based on what's best for you.

Slayre Says:
You want to run from everything that you have to do today, but you sprain your ankle because you're out of shape. Instead you're going to have to tell the truth, mainly because you're attached to a lie detector. Once you accept the fact that you've been caught, it won't be a struggle to choose the best choice for you. Paper or plastic?

Disclaimer: Slayre Says doesn't know why you would be attached to a lie detector in a grocery store, but it's your fault anyway.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: It's alive!

Love,
Slayre

Great Day for Civil Rights

Hey Guys,

This post has nothing to do with horoscopes, so if you had your heart set on one of those, just skip this post.

First off, I support Gay Rights. It's never made sense to me that the US denied some of it's citizens it's rights, and I think it's great that some states are supporting its citizens like it should. Up until yesterday though, the list was very short, and it consisted of Massachusetts. Well, now it's up to two and it's California and Massachusetts.

The vote for gay marriage has gone through twice, and was vetoed by Governor Schwarzenegger, but he explained he vetoed because it was going through the courts. The courts finally made a decision and it states:
Accordingly, in light of the conclusions we reach concerning the
constitutional questions brought to us for resolution, we determine that the
language of section 300 limiting the designation of marriage to a union "between a
man and a woman" is unconstitutional and must be stricken from the statute, and
that the remaining statutory language must be understood as making the
designation of marriage available both to opposite-sex and same-sex couples. In
addition, because the limitation of marriage to opposite-sex couples imposed be
section 308.5 can have no constitutionally permissible effect in light of the
constitutional conclusions set forth in this opinion, that provision cannot stand.
Plaintiffs are entitled to the issuance of a writ of mandate directing the
appropriate state officials to take all actions necessary to effectuate our ruling in
this case so as to ensure that county clerks and other local officials throughout the
state, in performing their duty to enforce the marriage statutes in their
jurisdictions, apply those provisions in a manner consistent with the decision of
this court. Further, as the prevailing parties, plaintiffs are entitled to their costs.

Now, I don't live in California. I can only hope that Louisiana and other states will soon follow suit, but I can't see that happening anytime soon. I might just move to California.

Also, Congratulations to Ellen Degeneres and Portia Di Rossi on their engagement!

Love,
Slayre

Abused Aries

Dear Neglected,

So I haven't updated in about two days. I'm sorry. I wish I could say it will never happen again, but it probably will. I was super excited about the appointment I had two days ago, but I had to come back the next day because the transfer machine wouldn't work. I have one to two more sessions to go. Anyone have any ideas about what I'm talking about?

Aries, FreeDailyHoroscope says:
Feelings of inspiration can occur today as you experience original ideas. Make sure to have pen and paper handy as these ideas will be short-lived and you may not be able to recall all the creative details.


Slayre Says:
You're super excited today because you're coming up with great ideas. Unfortunately, there's a monkey that you bought for a friend of yours throwing wrenches at your head. You're not sure you owned all those wrenches to start with, but they're making you have short term amnesia, and you can't remember any of your ideas. You could try writing them down, but the monkey will probably just eat the paper. Here's a hint: tranq gun is to your left. Use it.
Disclaimer: Please check the dosage on the tranquilizers.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: Wait till I bring him to the light.

Love,
Slayre

Picky Pisces

Dear Gladiators,

I have an appointment tomorrow that I'm like super excited about. I can't say what it is, but it has nothing to do with my gynecologist. If I were going to her, I'd a) not be excited and b) wouldn't be telling you about it...

Pisces, Proastro says:
You are inclined to act on some of the wilder impulses and desires you feel from time to time. You crave stimulation. If you have an inventive streak, you could make a startling discovery or breakthrough now. A strong sense of adventure combine to make this a very interesting time.

Slayre Says:
You're going to do some things (probably while intoxicated) that you've been craving to do for a while, but you didn't dare do before. You're also going to drink about 20 energy drinks, and then play with a kaleidescope, and ride a unicycle all at the same time. After that, you're going to make a stupendous soup, only to realize you don't have a sense of taste. Now everything makes sense! Now you can stop being like Kafka's Hunger Artist and eat a freakin' sandwich. After that, you'll feel like going skydiving, but the wait will be too long so you find an above ground water tower and take a jump. Aw darn... No one likes Pisces anyway...

Disclaimer: You might not die.

Fortune Cookie: It tastes great on a cracker!

Love,
Slayre

Water Please!

Dear Alcoholics,

There isn't really too much for me to talk about except AMERICAN GLADIATOR IS COMING BACK ON TONIGHT!! Ok, I know, it's a weird show and the people look really grossly muscled, but have you seen Gina Carano AKA Crush? She does Mixed Martial Arts fighting with a specialization in Muay Thai and she's amazing. Watch her tonight. Your blogger commands it.

Aquarius, Yahoo Horoscope Says:
You need to pay closer attention to business transactions today -- from buying stock to using your ATM. It's not like anyone is trying to cheat you (though that's always possible), it's more about details.

Slayre Says:
Hey Yahoo, the best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. I thought I was reading a horoscope, not an advice column! Just kidding Yahoo, you know I lo..er... like you.

Disclaimer: Slayre Says won't put up any more horoscopes from sites that don't know how to write them.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: You might want to get that checked.

Love,
Slayre

Legal for Liquor

Dear Peoples,

It's my birthday! This calls for an imparting of knowledge.

Here's my "best of" list for alcohol. Keep in mind that my experience is limited, and most of what I've had is cheap. Disagree with my choices? Tell me about it in the comments section.

Whiskey:
Crown Royal. I don't like whiskey in general, but this is one I can tolerate.

Rum:
Parrot Bay. Ok, it doesn't taste like rum- it tastes like coconut, but it tastes amazing with coke.

Vodka:
I've had some good ones... but I can't for the life of me remember them...

Tequila:
This is a joke. There's no such thing as a good tequila. This is the Devil's Liquor!

Wine:
I really enjoy a good German Riesling. My favorite so far was a bottle of Relax.

Mixed Drink:
Amaretto Sours. This was the first alcohol that I actually enjoyed!

Beer:
Ok, I'm not a fan of traditional beers, but my favorite would be Amber Bock and I have to give a shout out for Dos Equis (XX). For non-traditional, I looooove Smirnoff Ice. Of course, since I haven't tried Sam Adams, this may all change. Since we share a name, I was saving trying it until my 21st. Guess I should go for it!

Hard Cider:
Woodchuck, all the way!






Love,
Slayre

P.S. Happy Mother's Day

Capricious Capricorn

Dear Slaves,
I'm already enjoying my vacation, but it's time to start packing. I don't start my new job until the end of the month, but luckily my 'rental units are still willing to support me- at least until I graduate.

Well Capricorn, MyHoroscope says:
Planetary shifts will enable you to make the most of any opportunities coming your way. If you’re looking for inspiration over future career plans then today’s the day when you should get a flash of insight. For some Capricorns there’s a hint of a promotion or even a change of job!

Slayre Says:
You're going to have a good day at work today. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Disclaimer: This won't work if you're unemployed. Sorry you suck so bad.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: Don't try to send your food back today. It's just a really bad idea.


Love,
Slayre

So Says Sagittarius

Dear Kool-aid People,

Finals Hell is officially over with for now. Updates should now be more regular, like a healthy digestive system. For those of you who might want to know, I feel like I did ok. I'll let you know for sure later, when the teachers actually post my grades.

Sagittarius, Astrology-Online says:
You like to stay busy and now is your chance to do just that. Your ability to charm others will put you in the limelight at social functions. You must be extremely careful not to let relatives or friends interfere in your personal life.

Slayre says:
Forced labor is upcoming, but you're ok with that since you need the exercise anyway. What you think is charming isn't, but since you're drunk, everyone's going to encourage you to keep on doing what you're doing. Whatever you do, do not allow people to play matchmaker for you tonight. The person they have in mind will dominate you in a bad way and beat you because of their own insecurities.

Disclaimer: Slayre Says eats spouse abusers for breakfast, and it's not pleasant any of those involved.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: Today's show is brought to you by the letter "L."


Love,
Slayre

Sexy Scorpio

Dear Mass Murderers,

I'm turning in my final art project today. Wish me luck... I'll need it.

Scorpio, DailyHoroscope says:
Keep little reminders around for you to see that will direct you toward your goals. This may be sea shells if you want to go to the ocean or stick-on-stars, if you are training to be an astronaut, or a weather forecaster, etc. As the days go flying by, you will find yourself automatically moving toward the opportunities that are required to fulfill your dreams. Your inner resources and emotions are accented. Expect a sense of support and good will from those around you. You are able to sort through most problems and find the source or cause in order to make the necessary changes. You may be able to bring a group together with words or ideas that transport others. Poetry and art may be enjoyed this evening; create these things or enjoy the reading.

Slayre Says:
Decorate your home with things that remind you what you wanted to be as a kid. An astronaut motif with what used to be real astronauts would be awesome. As the days go by, you'll get closer to your dream, if only because of your mad stalker and impersonation skills. In a turn of events, the voices have suddenly acquired an accent. It's ok though, since they're encouraging you in your dreams. You're doing pretty well with fixing all your problems. Those voices are so helpful! Like Charles Manson, you're incredibly charismatic and people listen to you. Prepare a poetry reading for some friends, but be sure not to drink the flavor-aid.

Disclaimer: Slayre Says has nothing against flavor-aid. It's the cyanide she has issues with.

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: You're so cool.
Love,
Slayre

Lazy Libra

Dear Hiatus,

Only 3 more days of finals Hell and then I'll be done for the semester. I'll be posting on a when-I-have-time basis, so updates might be sketchy. Wish me luck!

Libra, AstroAdvice says:
Fix up your place or move to a better location. Sort out what needs to be organized financially, legally or mentally. You can make gains if you don't neglect the very things that can help you prosper. The Moon is in Taurus resulting in a day of getting back exactly what you deserve. The time to make changes is now if you want to move to stable ground.

Slayre Says:
You know you should really fix all the holes in your walls and the sinking pit of doom in your living room, but wouldn't it be easier to lose your deposit and just move out? I mean, you'll be blacklisted for any other reasonably priced apartment, but you had to hide the body somehow, right? Figure out which method is cheaper for you, and do that. If you think about it, you could sell what remains of the remains on the black market, and it'll all pay for itself, and you'll get a little profit. The bull next door has a huge kidney stone, but this means you'll get a pretty nifty kidney stone for your collection. Really, fix your floor before you kill yourself...

Disclaimer: Killing is bad!

Slayre's Fortune Cookie: Today is a good day to sign up for various classes you've wanted to take for awhile.

Seriously, this isn't funny:

Ok, maybe it is funny.

Love,
Slayre

Sorry Guys

Hey Guys,
I'm not really going to have time to post anything until Saturday since I have to watch some foreign films and finish writing papers. I think this will set up a precedent for finals and midterms- Hiatus until I'm allowed to sleep again.

Love,
Slayre